A ghostly ghoul
Do you feel sometimes that you’re haunted by the ghosts from the past? When everything seems to be in place, when you finally think that the present is doing just great for you, something creeps up on you and shakes the ground beneath your feet.
Old memories run through my head like the closing credits of a movie. Memories that are precious and bitter sweet, carefully stored away somewhere in a dungeon deep within my heart. It’s the memories of a long lost love, which had and apparently still has a grand impact on my daily life. It was not like Hollywood romance with red roses and strings playing in the background, ours was a real story with all the implications of life’s cruel reality. When our paths connected, two different worlds collided, the power of which was unknown to us. It felt like nothing that our hearts recognized and yet it was truly wonderful. We didn’t expect the fireworks to die, but in the end, they did. Every single sparkle, every whistle tune.
And so it ended and for months I had walked in the shadows of my own broken spirit, licking my wounds and slowly going through the painful process of recovery. After a few years, what was once angelic spirit has now become a ghostly ghoul.
Once in a while, something pulls me back into the dark and strangely it feels like a comfort zone, liberating yet suffocating, I’m there where my thoughts talk back to me and naturally they are altogether confusing. Why do I allow this to happen? Perhaps because I feel that I have not yet found the closure that is absolute and final in all senses of the word. Because I still can’t accept the harsh fact that he’s willing to cut off all the strings that connect us to each other, we were once soul mates! I long to reconnect, but at the same time I'm terrified of what I will find out. I'm genuinely interested but way too curious for my own good. How could I ever forget all that we had shared? How could he?
It’s like venom that is injected into my veins, eating me from the inside like a vicious parasite, covering me like a second skin, but at the same time a drug that I can’t live without. I can’t seem to shake it off, yet I need it in my blood stream as it makes me feel alive with emotions. I am grateful of the love that I have now and I don’t intend to wake the dead, but the dead refuse to be exactly that. Apparently, not every single sparkle, not every whistle tune has gone extinct – there is still a shimmering flame that occasionally grows to be a vivid blaze of fire, heating the soul until it finds the scorching pain that opens up all the wounds again. And when the clock strikes, the clouds of smoke will disappear and from the ashes, it will be born anew...
The song was Everything, a forever lingering melody in the darkest corners of the soul even when the music has long stopped playing...
Old memories run through my head like the closing credits of a movie. Memories that are precious and bitter sweet, carefully stored away somewhere in a dungeon deep within my heart. It’s the memories of a long lost love, which had and apparently still has a grand impact on my daily life. It was not like Hollywood romance with red roses and strings playing in the background, ours was a real story with all the implications of life’s cruel reality. When our paths connected, two different worlds collided, the power of which was unknown to us. It felt like nothing that our hearts recognized and yet it was truly wonderful. We didn’t expect the fireworks to die, but in the end, they did. Every single sparkle, every whistle tune.
And so it ended and for months I had walked in the shadows of my own broken spirit, licking my wounds and slowly going through the painful process of recovery. After a few years, what was once angelic spirit has now become a ghostly ghoul.
Once in a while, something pulls me back into the dark and strangely it feels like a comfort zone, liberating yet suffocating, I’m there where my thoughts talk back to me and naturally they are altogether confusing. Why do I allow this to happen? Perhaps because I feel that I have not yet found the closure that is absolute and final in all senses of the word. Because I still can’t accept the harsh fact that he’s willing to cut off all the strings that connect us to each other, we were once soul mates! I long to reconnect, but at the same time I'm terrified of what I will find out. I'm genuinely interested but way too curious for my own good. How could I ever forget all that we had shared? How could he?
It’s like venom that is injected into my veins, eating me from the inside like a vicious parasite, covering me like a second skin, but at the same time a drug that I can’t live without. I can’t seem to shake it off, yet I need it in my blood stream as it makes me feel alive with emotions. I am grateful of the love that I have now and I don’t intend to wake the dead, but the dead refuse to be exactly that. Apparently, not every single sparkle, not every whistle tune has gone extinct – there is still a shimmering flame that occasionally grows to be a vivid blaze of fire, heating the soul until it finds the scorching pain that opens up all the wounds again. And when the clock strikes, the clouds of smoke will disappear and from the ashes, it will be born anew...
The song was Everything, a forever lingering melody in the darkest corners of the soul even when the music has long stopped playing...
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1 comment:
Babe, this is soo touching! I didn't know you could be THAT emotional... I know there are wounds that can't heal properly, and scars that will still be there to keep reminding us even after healed - that's because we are girls, and not an emotionless robot (I think most guys can be harsh because they are inhuman) :-p
Be happy, yea!
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