Friendship

One of the Dutch songs that I hold dear to my heart is titled "Vriendschap", which literally means friendship. Below is the chorus.

Een keer trek je de conclusie

Vriendschap is een illusie
Vriendschap is een droom
Een pakketje schroot, met een dun laagje chroom

English translation:

One time you draw the conclusion
Friendship is an illusion
Friendship is a dream
A bundle of scrap, with a thin layer of chrome

Having been away from home for the past few years made me think about the bond that I have with my friends, perhaps unconsciously seeking for a new meaning, a redefinition of the original definition. So what is friendship?

You meet an infinite number of people in your life (because you never take count really). Some good and some bad. Some will disappear from your life sooner or later and you never think about again. Some you wonder what happened to them. Some you wonder if they ever think about you. There are also some you wish you never had to think about again but sometimes you do. Some you intended to stay in touch with but somehow it didn't work out. Some are still in touch with you even though you don't maintain as much contact as they would like to. And then there are some that you will never let go, not for all the tea in China.

Malaysia has been a spot where I had the chance to meet various different people from all over the globe. It could easily have been any other spot on the map and if it were, I would have met various other different people from all over the globe and my experiences might have been different but for simplification reasons, lets just put this possibility aside.

So I met a lot of people here in KL. Some only once or twice, others I casually bump into at house parties from time to time, many have come and left already. Some I hold dear to my heart because they left quite an impressive footprint behind. These are new friendships.

I’m having nostalgia about the "old" ones. Some have known me for more than a decade. Some have been through several ups and downs with me. Some I haven't seen for ages. All of them I can call friends. Just like candy, friendship exists in many forms and shapes, the meaning of which can't be defined merely by the sole existence of a Facebook relationship. FB is indeed a brilliant platform to expand your network throughout the globe, to find back primary school friends, to keep oneself updated on the happenings in people's lives. But honestly, it doesn't provide a sufficient way to maintain and nurture a real friendship. Or at least I need more than that. I miss the physical hanging out, having beers and laughing at stupidities, be they one's own or someone else's, the hysterical nights out, discussing about life and the meaning of our existence on earth, proper quality time that is not measured in monetary value, but in the amount of happiness that fills one's heart, however subjective that might be.

Sadly, many friends are far away. Also, I have come to realize that in some cases, distance is a relationship breaker. Not everyone kept in touch. But those who do, are very dear to me. As Aristotle says, the amount of time any individual has in practice simply does not allow them to get to know more than a handful of people well enough to call them close friends. Fortunately I have a few of those and I am grateful for that. I know that in spite of the geographical distance and the time difference, I could always pick up the phone, if only to hear their voice and talk small talks. I can count on plenty of people here if I feel like going out for shits and giggles, partying or celebrating good times. But I can only rely on a selected few if I want new perspectives, told without shame or reservations. If I long to revive old memories, be they good or bad. If I need to be understood inside and out without having to explain myself.

So is friendship an illusion? Perhaps in some cases. Friendship should never be about money or status or opportunities to get any one of those. It should be about the ability to project oneself onto another person, to exchange ideas and emotions, to create a better synergy. It should be about accepting the other unconditionally and reciprocating gestures done in trust and goodwill. So as long as you are taking proper care of that precious bundle of scrap, the layer of chrome is not likely to wear thin.

** In ode to all my close friends, you know who you are.

For you, a thousand times over. **