Malaysia in a nutshell

So while waiting for my pictures to be uploaded to Multiply (long live the Malaysian internet connection) I decided to post this article onto my blog. It’s from The Expat Magazine, July 2007 edition, and it’s written by Mike Street. People back home ask me what Malaysia is like and Mike has managed to explain it quite well, so here you have it. Besides some things, I pretty much agreed with what he said. I also took the liberty to add a couple of things of my own.

So what’s Malaysia like???

There’s a commercial every three minutes. It’s never a drizzle, but then again it’s never a blizzard. It’s hot on Saturday and pouring rain on Sunday. Motorcyclists have more passengers than tattoos. Security guards can carry shotguns. Lane lines are just suggestions. It takes 30 minutes to go from KL Sentral to Kota Damansara by van, yet two hours by bus. There’s a cashier at the hospital. Creamed corn is part of a dessert. You can sit outside at a café in February. People talk about traffic jams, not the weather. A surprising number of people don’t use deodorant. Karaoke is a common weekend activity. People switch between languages in mid-sentence. “Air” means water. You hear the “call to prayers” five times a day. Eating with your hands in public is acceptable. Taking your lunch means eating it. The supersize isn’t as super. Buildings are taller. It seems okay to stick a pen in a three-prong electrical outlet to accommodate a two-prong plug. Internet connections are slower, but they’re everywhere. Starbucks offers free wireless connection and can thus overcharge for a cup of coffee. Pork has its own section in the supermarket. Cashiers pack the pork using plastic gloves. Jams are rarely strawberry. People pause before stepping on an escalator. People “off” their lights and “horn” their horns. There’s a bus to every destination (though you never know what time one will show up). The smallest chillies can do the biggest damage. No one drinks tap water. Fish heads are food. Chicken feet are food. Property is almost always represented by a tiny scale model at the mall. Bilingualism is no big thing. Double-parking is normal. McDonald’s delivers. Pedestrians are given consideration. The sun rises and sets at about the same time every day. Clothes dryers are non-existent. SMS is a way of life. Road construction runs year-round. Walking in the sun without a cap or an umbrella is a sign of mental illness. Zebra crossings are a waste of paint. Washing machines only wash with cold water. Rice can be eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There’s hardly any dog on the street. You can walk in flip-flops all year round. You can buy any brand in Chinatown. Chinese looking people that do not speak any Chinese language are considered arrogant and dumb (I found it out the hard way). The vegetable section in supermarkets is larger. Carrefour takes about half of the lower ground floor in the mall. Bicycling is a public suicide. Some taxi drivers are insane, others are just mad. You can travel from highlands to jungles to beaches to islands. Traffic jams are permanent. You can take medical leave for gastric problems. Gas doesn’t come out of the wall. Electricity blackouts and floods are not a rarity. Indians drink on parking lots and on the side of the road. A Muslim woman showing hair is modern. The Chinese love to dye their hair and use a humungous load of gel. Cinemas are so freezing cold it could serve as a morgue. Every condo has its own swimming pool. In Bangsar a School is a bar. Alcohol is expensive. Sweat is inevitable.

And I could go on and on... But for now, this is Malaysia in a nutshell.